Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Peter Pan,...I get your pain!

Andrew (21) , Alison and Elliot (18)
I never thought the day they would actually be able to fit into these clothes would come so quickly?

My oldest son doesn't call me as often as I'd like him to....come to think of it he doesn't call me at all unless he is returning one of my many calls I leave on his voice mail. So in all honesty if I am graced with one returned call I am lucky, or should I say blessed.

A little over a year ago he moved out on his own with two other friends and at first I must say, I was sad, very sad,...ok I cried for two weeks non stop and was actually feeling extremely depressed about the fact that my life was changing. There is something about the reality of never returning to never-never land again,...for the first time in my life, I was now feeling Peter Pans pain. I mean, I was actually getting his message. I guess what I am trying to say here is this; I now really get that movie, and I must say, I enjoyed it a lot more snuggled on the couch with my kids in our Jammie's on Saturday mornings than I do now with them all grown up and gone.

I'm pretty sure Dave was doing his best to keep me moving and so busy that I didn't have time to dwell on my sadness when the first one moved out, but I found my self becoming this great multitasker! I was able to keep up with his list plus dwell on the sad reality that the oldest son was now gone. The family dynamics are now changed forever,... as it should be. We take on these jobs raising children knowing that if our job is done right,... that it indeed should end. Our job as parents is to raise our children to be independent of us not dependent on us. So what was my problem?

Being a mom has it's Hallmark card moments...and then it has it's Far Side scenarios. I am feeling like the Far Side is where I am now with the oldest. So what if we don't get the phone calls, the birthday cards in the mail, a call on mothers day or maybe only a 5 minute drop in visit on Christmas day? If I said that it didn't hurt I wouldn't be a mom, but how I respond as a mom is what makes all the difference --- in my mind, heart and my relationship with my child.

So as I was nursing my mom wounds one day I decided to try something different. Something intentionally different, intentionally loving and so far, it works! I call him, I visit him, drop him a message in his email box, send him a note in the mail, drop him off a gift on his front porch, pick him up for coffee, take him a basket of his favorite food goodies, pick him up and take him to lunch on Sunday and I don't expect anything warm and gooey in return. I know I want more; sometimes I even wish I could turn back the hands of time and hold on to him like a little baby. But I know that time can not be brought back, it is gone forever and it is now time to move forward with the new time and in a new direction.

God gives us new opportunities to move on, to keep on giving to keep on loving unconditionally. After all isn't this Gods message to us? Does our loving God sit back and ignore his children just because we don't respond the way He wants us to, the way He expects us to, or the way he desires us to? Have I received more calls, more cards, more drop in visits? Nope. Do I expect more? I desire more, yep...until the day I die.

God wants us to keep sending out love because he knows that when we stop, our hearts wither and grow hard. The soil that he longs to keep tilling and planting till the day we die becomes packed down with sorrow and bitterness, and we miss the harvest of all he has yet to bring forth in our lives regardless of our heartaches and disappointments. God is never finished using us moms, nor is he ever finished blessing us either!

I choose to keep our family bound together...the only way I can is through a changed heart on my part,... all the while, using up all the love God has sent our way to share with others, that is a lot of love to share!

My final message to Peter Pan is, grow up and move out! Trust in the God of history, who promises that one day soon "all really will be well" and the never never land that God has set up for us really will go on forever!

Now, I need to head on over to the oldest sons house and drop off this coat I found on sale for him, who knows,...maybe there will be time for coffee, if not than another time will do.


Jackie said...

This is the most awesome post. Lots of wisdom from real life. A life that is being spent in beautiful ways. I heard one time [from Beth Moore] that the love we give nevers falls to the floor...Jesus catches every single offering. Thanks for writing what's in your heart, Chris. I am blessed. Love U, Jax

Jackie said...

P.S. I'm excited about your coming! It will be short but SWEET. And I'll try to arrange it so that the first part of November isn't too cold for you. :O)

Darlene said...

constant offering... expecting nothing in return... but ever longing for it. Your post has made me weep, out of the deep difficulty it takes to create life, nurture it, and then give it away. God keeps telling me, "He was never yours to begin with, my child."
Being a mother, we are forced into the role of servant. We will only fulfill this role well if we are godly servants.

sigh. motherhood.

Christine Lynn said...

Jackie...I don't know that it is as much wisdom as it is the boy reality, or maybe boy going through growing up and mom going through mid life! I love that quote you shared here that the love we give never falls to the floor... Jesus catches every single offering. I like that very much!

Darlene...So true you are, they really are not ours but His to train up and then God allows the free will to take it from there. Other then him forgetting to call home, he really is happy and doing good...I just miss him dearly not seeing him everyday, Thank you Lord that he only lives 20 minutes away!

Ms. Tee said...

This is just such a sweet post. My mom's heart feels for you such much. :) And the love you are giving/showing your son is so wonderful. It might take just a little while for him to show it. :) It seems like, when children grow up and have kids of their own, that's when they understand the depth of a mama's love. I have faith that he will come back around! Thanks for sharing this!

P-Dot said...

I wish I could have a "do-over" with this good advice in mind with John. I was so afraid of another painful rejection from him that I just shut down and stayed away as he requested. Hindsight tells me that I should have tried to keep in touch by writing even if he threw them all away.
I am so very grateful for your wisdom and would bet that he'll come around someday.
Hang in there, Mom.

Christine Lynn said...

Thank you ms Tee and p-dot. I just have to accept the fact that some just communicate more then others. Now the daughter makes up for the lack of calls from the This really could be a guy thing. I am just happy he lives so close and I can drop in on him. We have a good relationship but he is just in the stage of life where he is more into hanging out with his own age. I am sure I didn't call home all the time when I moved out at his age either! Bad on me!

Christian said...

From a mom with little ones 5,4,2 and 6 mos, this is awesome to read! It is a good reminder to cherish what I have, while I still have it. And good advice for the future, when I have to let them go. Thanks.