Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Love Dare...day two.

I had to stop in to say that day two is going super! It has not been hard to do at all! Convicting, Yes, Hard, No! Boy am I ever convicted by this first dare, Big time! I can tell you one thing for sure, and that is, I am the one who is growing and changing here and I am only on day two! In all honesty - my husband could of written this book! I'm feeling a little guilty on that part of all of this, the fact that I haven't given to him like he has given to me over the years...big gulp here....still growing everyday...and going to try and make up for lost time.

First of all my tongue is getting some training...I nag, and didn't think that I did until I had to think about my words on day one of the Dare. My first thought was that I don't tell him to do things in a mean tone, it is usually a nice tone. But ya know what, I'm not his mom. "Could you please put your shoes and paper away, could you please take the garbage out, could you, could you, could you pleeezzze!" The words, "Could ya please" have not left my mouth for two days now...well almost two days now....tonight will be a full Day two.

It really is the little things that sneak in and we don't even realize it. And the sad thing is we make our husbands feel like little boys. We are mothers to our children not our husbands, has convicted me on this first Dare Big time!

My cure for my nagging...I made a list for me of all the things I want to accomplish for my day and putting shoes and the paper away is now one of the things on my list along with taking out the garbage. My list was on the counter for anyone to sneak a peek at..guess who put the dishes in the dish washer last night while I ran the dog around the block last night? Yep the hubby...I didn't even ask for help, I guess he must of seen my list and just did it. Wow! I was planning on doing that job when I got home from the dog walk. So my new words are, I need help, or when you get a chance, it doesn't have to be now, but when you have a minute would you let me know I need your help. I mean lets get real here, we can't do all of this on our own we need help around the house every now and again. I will be using this open list as well. I'd rather have this little chore undone until I can get to myself than nag my husband. No more nagging from me.

The thing is I have always felt it so important to never belittle my husband in front of anyone, including my children. How can my children grow up to respect their father when they see their own mom nagging and treating their dad like a little boy. And guess what folks, our children treat us the way they see us treating each other. I have always thought it to be so sad to see a child telling his mom and or dad what to do, or threatening them with the wrath of mom and or dad. I was on the phone one day with a friend and his daughter yells in the back ground, "Dad, you are so much in trouble when mom gets home!" My first thought was who's mom, the daughters or the husbands!? I asked him, "was that your daughter?" He said, "Yeah, a chip right off her moms shoulder." I asked what will your wife say when she hears her snitch you off?" He said, "Oh she will look at me and in a sweet voice say honey, I thought I'd asked you to do that for me while I was gone, right in front of the kids." Wow! My first thought was, what a disrespectful little girl, but than I thought, shame on that mom. Sorry moms, that comes from us, not dad. My heart sank to my stomach and I decided there and then I'd never do that to my husband, ever! And look what I did! These little things drive our husbands away from us not to us. Dr. Phil the other day was addressing this very issue and his comment was, "My guess is that a husband who wonders away from his marriage is not hanging out with a nag." As I smuggling thought to myself, "Glad I don't nag!"...lol See what I mean, Conviction! I didn't even see this in me! This Dare book is making me look at "Me."

Where do we think they picked that naughty trait up, yep us! Here I had completely missed this part of what I was doing until I took this dare! Ugh! Dear Lord, forgive me and once again could ya cover me on this slight over sight/sin on my part.

Day two is kindness...doing kind things and continuing with our words of love...more on this later. Please let me know how you are doing with the Love Dare Challenge! Have you seen a change yet? And if so, in You or Him, or maybe Both?

Your comments are so encouraging to me, so thank-you for that! =O)

Hugs and Tugs from my heart...

~ enjoy

22 comments:

~K~ said...

You have really hit a nerve with me...ha. I am a very strong believer that our children are a product of what we teach them..! No one is perfect, but respect does go a long way..!! And, I clearly let my husband know when I need help...LOL
I think the direct approach leaves nothing to assume and well the nagging...I think Dr. Phil is right!!!

Keep leaving those lists laying around...you'll soon have your home cleaned without having to lift a finger....!!!

Christine said...

~K~ You make a very good point, "no one is perfect." It is so easy to beat ourselves up sometimes. I am becoming a firm believer of the "List."...lol Hugs to you sweet friend.

Bonnie said...

Okay, Im going to get this book and maybe it will cast a light on the log in my own eye that I have been missing.

Sarah said...

Oh Christine -

Amen and amen sister! LOVED your post. So heartfelt and genuine. I am right there with you. I was so convicted of the, what I called "reminders" during the first few days. The other thing was when my dh and I were talking about love and respect, and what respect means to him, he mentioned something about how I sometimes talk to him like he is one of my children. OUCH. We also delved into things a bit more, and I found that sometimes we make a decision after discussing it together, and then I will continue to discuss it after the fact, even though we are done and should move on. As the authority in our house, when a decision is made, I need not continue to come back to it over and over to further question if what we did was right, or should we have done it a different way, etc. I need to trust in his leadership and guidance. Never thought of that as anything but "discussion" but I guess he saw it differently. So interesting and convicting!

Okay, that was WAY longer than I meant it to be.

I'll have to post an update soon as well.

Take care!

jenjen said...

Hi Christine! Yay - it sounds like things are going so well. Wonderful comments about teaching our children through example and giving our husbands the respect they deserve.

I try not to nag, but sometimes it sneaks in and I look back and see that I have been doing it. I loved how the book made me look at my words and actions in a new light.

XOXOXXO
Jen

Christine said...

Bonnie ~ I think from what I see in you and your family, that the Dares will be easy yet rewarding for you. As I said, this is easy, but convicting, cuz it is me a lone I am looking at and changing, not Dave. I'll tell you one thing...I am already feeling a difference in me towards Dave and as I said, I honestly never looked at nagging this way until I had to view my own tongue...ugh I am excited to hear from you what you think about the book.

Sarah ~ This all started because of you! I am so glad you shared this on your blog with us. I feel that ouch that you felt when your husband said that...we are moms and have to turn that mom button off with our husbands. It is so hard, yet now that I see this for what it is, I will be guarding my tongue and asking for help above with this one. Instead asking for help in a kind way, I have been only nagging in a kind way...ugh! This is a cycle that I will break right now and hopefully share with my daughter so she doesn't do the same thing I have been doing and not even know it! What is the scripture that talks about passing the sin from one generation to another? I think I need to find that and put it to memory. Hugs all

Christine said...

Jen...it sure does sneak in...lol I think we posted at the same time here!...lol hugs back at ya.

Jackie said...

Such great stuff here! Haven't started the book yet, but will tomorrow. I'll check in and let you know.

Tonight K & K are at their different events so Carl and I have had some nice alone time. Amazingly, I have been really focused on blessing him tonight. HA! But seriously, just taking the time to rub his shoulders and talk with him more. It's so important not to be constantly 'doing' so we CAN connect.

He left to go pick up Katie so now I'm able to have a little computer time. Which, as you know Chris, has been something God has been working with me on. Keeping things balanced. I've been on the computer less (quite a bit less) since yesterday morning and it feels right.

Keep up the great posting! Much love, Jax

Christine said...

Jackie...sounds like you are already doing the Love Dare to me. =o) Balance is a good thing for sure...hugs and hope you guys have a wonderful time!

Lynette said...

These dares seem hectic and life changing. A lot of reflection! Thank you for sharing.

Tammyz said...

LOVE that you are doing this!! My Sweetie and I went to the conference a few months ago and I still have not cracked the book open. What a PERFECT thing to do for Lent!! (I have been racking my brain and the perfect idea was right here!! I should have checked blogs days ago...) Your husband will be feeling so fully loved by you on Easter morning!! I will start this challenge tomorrow...so my husband will feel "mostly" loved by Easter morning! :D YOU are an inspiration my Friend!! Thanks for sharing!!! :D

Darlene said...

Matt and I are doing this book too. I loved day 2,,, and I NEEDED it! This book challenges me. It is really a good one, isn't it??

Christine said...

I like day two as well..on day three and need to buy a special gift for him...

Christine said...

Oh hey Tammy...I don't do lent but think it is a good idea. This is a perfect thing to do for that. Let me know what you think about it and what you got out of it.

Christine said...

Oh hey Tammy...I don't do lent but think it is a good idea. This is a perfect thing to do for that. Let me know what you think about it and what you got out of it.

Winterwood said...

Dh and I made a pact right at the start of our marriage never to say things about the other or disagree with one another in public or in front of our kids. 'United we stand, divided we fall....' that way as you say... our kids dont see us putting each other down. If we have something to say about the kids then we talk about it first behind closed dooors and so the kids see a united front...always!

Hope42Day said...

You have hit a nerve with me as well...about being a mom not a wife to our husbands. I see times when I have done this. I am getting better...but realize that is one area I need to work on. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Maybe you learned from your mom.
Ju.st a thought

Karen said...

Got back last night, and I'm ordering it today!!! DId you ever read"The proper care and feeding of Husbands"? It's by Dr. Laura, and it too,makes you look at things differently. I think I'll reread it while waiting for the Love Dare to come in the mail.
HAGD! Karen

Christine said...

Karen, no I have not read that one but my sis in law was just telling me about that book Friday...looks like another one I'll be visiting.

Christine said...

Anonymous ~ yep she taught me more good than bad for sure! hi mom!....lol

Ms. Tee said...

You are so right. Our kids will do exactly as we do, won't they. :) So glad that you're enjoying and getting so much out of the book - have a great week!

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